


The Foxhole

by unpublished



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Action, Cohabitation, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friendship, Healing, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Regrettable Circumstances, Romance, Roommates, Slow Build, Strained Relationships, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Teamwork is Hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:23:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3849106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unpublished/pseuds/unpublished
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nadie had been assured that Tony Stark was no longer a member of the Avengers, and that working as his assistant would be perfectly safe. Then someone blew up her house. Irrevocably tangled in Avengers affairs, she finds herself running with the current and retired team members, and a slowly recovering super soldier. The people hunting them are willing to go to great lengths to draw them out however, and the group is forced to make undesirable choices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. With a Bang and a Whimper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the way the world ends  
> Not with a bang but a whimper.
> 
> -The Hollow Men by T.S. Elliot
> 
>  
> 
> Hello! Thank you so much for dropping by for a little read through, I really hope you guys end up liking this story and end up feeling as protective over these characters as I've become because then I'll won't feel quite so weird.
> 
> I'd like to give a friendly warning that this story will have Age of Ultron spoilers in it, so if you haven't seen the movie yet feel free to come back once you've had a chance to see the film.
> 
> Also this work is rated mature for now, but I will likely up it to explicit since I like writing smut. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.
> 
> Just thought I'd mention that the title of this chapter is inspired from a line in The Hollow Men by T.S. Elliot, it's one of my favorites and it's super creepy if you get a couple people together to read aloud the different parts in the last section of the piece.
> 
> Once again because I cannot stress this enough, thanks for reading!

I heard the whisper of the front door cutting through the air over the soft thuds of my fingers tapping the screen under my hands. Tony didn’t stop talking so I kept typing, only catching a glimpse of someone storming in.

“Stark, we had a meeting!” Steve bit out, standing beside where I sat on the couch.

“That’s weird, did you hear something? Make a note that during the test flight, it listed to the left. I need to go back to the drawing board on counteracting the weight imbalance.”

“Or you could just redistribute the weight,” I huffed. “And hello, Steve.”

“Or I could leave it as it is and go back to the drawing board on counteracting the weight imbalance. I like the layout as it is.”

“Come on Tony, even you can’t just disregard gravity.”

“Talking to the man who can fly,” Tony shot back, swiping his hand rapidly across the glowing screen in front of his face.

“You can’t do anything,” I snorted. “Your suit however is an incredible example of both engineering and craftsmanship.”

“Well at least you know art when you see it.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Tony we needed you at that meeting,” Steve interjected impatiently. “We don’t just hold those to disrupt your day!”

“Really? And here I thought Fury was just getting petty… Make a note to change the color scheme for the next model.”

“More or less gaudy?” I asked.

“I am never gaudy, I am expensive.”

I practically cackled at him, making a note that his majesty’s fashion sense was still unsatisfied. Tony shot me a look as the note popped up on the screen before going back to throwing virtual mechanical parts around to, hopefully, finally perfect the drone he’d been working on all month.

“Stark,” Steve started, clearly running out of patience. “This is serious. You may not be an official member of the team, but you still hold a crucial role!“

“Oi, whose idea was that?” He closed down the program in front of him, the holograms disappearing with a swipe of his hand. Placing one hand on his hip he took a deep breath and pointed at me. “Pepper and I still on for dinner tonight at six?”

I nodded, a grin spreading across my face as an idea occurred to me.

“I wouldn’t dream of canceling. Besides, Steve can stop by and catch up up on what you missed.”

“Uh, you know I think I just remembered that Pepper and I have an event tonight, so sorry. Very important, public figure, you know?”

“Tony you can’t lie about your schedule to your assistant,” I laughed. “And if you don’t agree I’ll be forced to tell Pepper that you’re not playing nice with the other kids again, and you know it’s much easier to have me on your case than Pepper.”

Tony pouted, glancing back and forth from me too the smug looking Steve.

“If this meal isn’t the best I’ve ever had, I’m locking myself in my lab tomorrow and not coming back out until I’ve been mollified.”

I ignored Tony, turning to the more pleasant company. With shock though, I noticed that there was another person standing just behind the captain.

“James,” I said, surprised. He hadn’t been around much, especially not in the new Stark Tower. “I was half convinced that you’d ran for the hills after just a week here. Are you well?”

He looked up at me, seeming surprised that I had addressed him. He always looked that way though, I couldn’t fathom why since I always made a point of talking to him when he was around.

“Yea, I’m doin’ alright Nadie, thanks.”

“You’re more than welcome to come to dinner as well. I’m sure it’d be nice to have a break from takeout and whatever slop Steve serves in your apartment.”

“Hey I’m a great cook!” Steve said, offended.

“Great is a little generous,” Bucky said with a little smile.

“Traitor.”

“That’s cute, I feel nauseous,” Tony shot.

“Well I better get home and get cooking,” I chirped, grinning at Steve and Tony who were glaring balefully at one another. As I hopped up, stuffing my tablet in my bag and grabbing my coat, I patted Steve sympathetically on the shoulder before turning to Bucky. “I really do hope you’ll stop by, James.”

With that I took my leave, hearing Steve and Tony continuing to bicker as soon as they thought I was out of earshot. Some things never change I supposed, there was no teaching those old dogs any new tricks. Of course everyone knew they got all misty eyed when they spent long periods of time away from one another though.

The New York winter winds bit into my cheeks as I exited Stark Tower, turning the collar on my coat up and climbing into the private vehicle that was waiting for me. Living outside of the city had its advantages, but the drive time was absolutely brutal. With a glance at my watch I realized sadly that I’d have to start cooking as soon as I got home in order to have everything prepared by the time Tony and Pepper arrived, and if I didn’t want any complaining from His Majesty, it had better be done by the time they got there. With the drive being the only break I’d get that day, I let my mind wander as the city slowly started to thin out. For whatever reason it settled on going back to this summer, when a dirty, bloodied, and exhausted James Buchanan stumbled into the lobby of Stark Tower and into all of our lives. I had been in an absolute panic as I held his head in my lap, babbling for F.R.I.D.A.Y. to get help. When I had taken the job as Tony’s PA I hand’t exactly been prepared to utilize the first aid training I’d had freshman year of high school. In fact, I was so freaked out after it all happened that Pepper gave me the rest of the week off… and of course Tony laughed me out the door.

Since then James had been an on and off fixture at Stark Tower. I mean, with him and the Captain living together it made it impossible for him not to be around, but I knew Fury also had a hand in it. S.H.I.E.L.D. may officially have been disbanded, but the Avenger’s team was alive and well, and that project was Fury’s baby. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the guy, I actually rather did, but I knew that he would always act in the interest of people as a whole, and sometimes that left some individuals to be crushed underfoot. I didn’t believe that Fury was going to start tossing Bucky into missions with no regard to his well being, but I did believe that once he reached a certain point of healed that he was going to start doing what he was known for: pushing.

Realistically I knew that this was all none of my business, but when it came to Avenger business you knew that all of their actions were going to effect you in some way or another, even if it was as minor as high taxes to fix the city they broke. I did have to admit it was a bit unsettling to know how much rested in one group, especially with the intricacies of each of their characters. Dealing with anyone else you could get a feel for what was going on, you could brace yourself when their body language sounded the alarm, with them though it was at times like watching characters in a play. For a few hours you’re in their world and you know them, but when it’s all done it evaporates and you see the truth behind the illusion, that the real person you just saw is an absolute mystery to you.

I liked to think that I had gotten better at knowing some of them in my time working for Tony, but there was no way for me to find out either way.

——————————————————————————————————————————

“I don’t like this. I don’t like this one bit.”

Pepper and I sniggered as we took sips from out wine glasses, seated closely together like the coconspirators we were at the island counter in my kitchen opposite of Tony.

“Oh dear, it doesn’t look like he anticipated these odds when he started pestering you to invite us over for dinner,” Pepper said with a grin.

“You know I think you’re right,” I taunted. “They great Tony Stark missing something as obvious as the danger of cornering himself in a room with the two women who have to put up with him all day every day.”

“Quite foolish,” Pepper said with mock pity.

“You know what, I think I heard my phone ring in the other room,” Tony said suddenly. “I’m going to go get it.”

“Oh no you don’t!” I cried, Pepper and I both hopping up to follow Tony as he tried to flee from the room.

“You two are like piranhas! Stop swarming me!”

“Aw Tony,” Pepper pouted, saddling up to him and resting her head on his shoulder. “We’re just having a bit of fun.”

“I don’t find anything fun about this. There’s nothing fun about this!” he griped back.

“Yea, she said we’re having fun, not you,” I jeered.

“We’re never doing this again,” Tony groaned, rubbing one and over his face and resting the other one on Pepper’s hip to pull her closer.

“Oh no, I was just about to recommend we make this a weekly thing.”

I laughed at Tony’s strangled noise as I went back into the kitchen at the sound of the kitchen timer going off. With His Royal Majesty coming over I had gone all out, settling on making chicken cordon bleu, however it looked like I’d have leftovers.

“Alright kids!” I yelled as I took the chicken out of the skillet and placed each piece on a rack so it could crisp up. “Soup is on!”

After a minute of hearing no one enter the kitchen I frowned, looking around. Stepping into the living room where I’d left the couple, I realized the room was deserted. Just as an eerie feeling started to slither its way through my chest, the sound of a commotion rose from downstairs in what had to have been my foyer. Cautiously I tiptoed over to the giant staircase that overlooked my front door, hoping that today was not the day working for Tony Stark got me kidnapped or killed.

Luckily I was greeted by the sight of Tony trying to close the door on Steve while Pepper chided him like the child he was. Unfortunately for Tony, in this case brawn won over brain and Steve shoved his way inside, saying something most likely belittling as he patted him on the back. I expected that to be the end of it, but I was pleasantly surprised when James also made his way through my front door, nodding politely at Pepper who greeted him warmly as the two dueling duo continued verbally thrashing one another.

“Stark! Rodgers! If you two wanna stand there and make out all night, be my guest, but at least move aside so the rest of us can eat.”

“Make out? I have much better taste than that,” Tony said, appalled.

“Yea, says the guy who runs around in a red and gold metal suit.”

“Um excuse you, I’ll have you know that it’s not just metal, it a special-“

“Blah, blah, blah. We’re not at work, which means I don’t have to listen, Tony.”

“Honestly, I’ve never been so disrespected in my life.”

Pepper laughed her good natured laugh and wrapped one of her arms around Tony as they made their way up the stair, leaning her head on his shoulder. She nodded as he complained to her about my insolence and his unappreciated genius to which Steve added his two cents whenever Tony took a breath. I decided to ignore the banter as we all gathered in the kitchen, Pepper helping me dish up plates since we didn’t want two members of the Avengers team to starve to death trying to out do one another.

I was about to grab the last plate for James when I realized it was no longer resting on the counter, but in the hand of the man himself. Idly I noticed he was regularly using the device Tony had constructed to disguise his prosthetic arm as flesh and blood, yet he still seemed to consciously avoid using it if he could and it wouldn’t be blatantly obvious.

What was I, Sherlock Holmes? I was clearly spending too much time around S.H.I.E.L.D. agents if I was analyzing the way a guy does or doesn’t use his arm. Giving myself a mental shake I filled his plate, more so than the others. I had heard Steven mentioning that he hadn’t been eating like he should have, and it was apparent in the way his clothes hung just a bit more loosely on his frame than they did when he first arrived. Again I felt the need to scold myself for meddling.

“Come on you two,” Pepper said gently, coming to stand between Tony and Steve, putting plates in both of their hands. “Let’s go sit down.”

“And play the quiet game,” I added. Pepper threw me an exhausted look of agreement, nodding her head with a little smile. Steve had the decency to look a little embarrassed while Tony just gave me a look that said I could be expecting extra work in my future.

“Well no sense in letting the food get cold, let’s go!” I said brusquely, leading everyone to the dining room. With some strategic moves from Pepper and I, we got Tony and Steve seated at the opposite ends of the table with her in between them. James sat next to me on the other side, moving silently with the same blank expression he always seemed to default to.

Dinner progressed surprisingly smoothly, everyone seeming to enjoy the food, and for the most part, the company. Of course with Pepper there, it’s hard to imagine the evening not going well with how effortlessly she was able to charm people. She just had that trustworthy easy going manner that stole hearts without any effort, perhaps it was her lack of trying that was the secret, the honesty in which she communicated without pretenses. It was what made her such an amazing friend.

As dinner finished though, the atmosphere changed as Steve put on his business face. Tony immediately started squirmy, looking for any escape rout that would allow him to avoid his work. I looked over at Pepper with a no doubt manic grin, always overjoyed to see my boss have to do something he didn’t want to. Of course it was petty and even a bit catty, but how could I not enjoy it when he made such a production of a little work that wouldn’t take him any time at all if he just sat down and did it. I was just short of rubbing my hands together in glee as Tony took in a breath to fire off his first excuse.

But the next thing I knew I was slamming against the wall.

My ears rang.

I couldn’t see.

What was that smell?

God my head.

It sounded like someone was speaking. I didn’t know the words though.

There was something on top of me I think.

It hurt.

I was just able to make out a vague shape, but it didn’t make sense to me. It was the color of my dining room ceiling. I had always loved that shade of green.

Nadie.

I knew that word. My name, that was my name. Who said it though?

Someone touched my neck. The green rolled away from my legs, they still hurt though.

“Nadie.”

Yes?

“Nadie!”

Somewhere someone cried out, the sound shaking me, cutting through my brain like a heated wire though butter. My eyes immediately focused on Steve’s face above me as I gasped for air. Of its own volition my hand gripped his wrist as his hand moved to cup my face. Something shifted and caused my leg to straighten and I bit off a scream at the pain that sliced through my flesh with hot, angry nails.

“Steve,” I bit out. “My leg.”

“I know doll, I know. Is it broken, Buck?”

I couldn’t hear his reply, but going strictly by feel, I was going to assume he said yes. My limbs were starting to shake as I fought to keep the shock form setting in. I counted to try and even out my breaths, taking breaks to take stock of my room.

It was completely destroyed.

“Where’s Tony and Pepper?” I asked, the words sounding more like a desperate whimper than a collected question.

“They’re out, don’t worry. Both of them could walk so they got out as soon as they got their bearings. You’re a little worse for the wear though so Bucky and I are going to stay here with you until help arrives.”

An ominous creek from the remaining ceiling above us sounded like a challenge to his statement, dust raining down to emphasize. I looked up before uneasily exchanging a glance with Steve.

“Good plan in theory, but I don’t know if that’s really going to be the best option here in a few minutes.”

Steve away as the static started to take hold of my senses again. I could feel two sets of arms working together to lift me, the movement in my leg jerking me back and causing me to ball my hands into fists. The shaking in my limbs increased.

“Remind me to tell Tony that he owes me a vacation.”

I’m not sure if any of my words were intelligible, because I never heard a reply from Steve, and before I could try again the darkness snuck up on me and filled my limbs, my ears, and my eyes.

——————————————————————————————————————————

We were all gathered in the brightly light room, the comfortable, clean furnishings making most of us look even shabbier than we already did. Those who were able to stood, the rest of us laid down and sat on what the room had to offer. For once, no one argued. We all sat silently listening to our fate: an indefinite stay in what was essentially a witness protection program on steroids. All of us. In one house. Indefinitely. 

If they had any sense they’d send someone to protect of from each other.

But it was just going to be us.

A hand landed on my shoulder, no doubt picking up on my tension and I looked up to see Bruce. I had heard about what had happened to him. Buried under enough rubble that even the other guy couldn’t dig his way out, but there wasn’t a scratch on him. He had been sedated to treat his injuries when he was boarded on the plane over here, but I had watched him walk down those stairs as easily as breathing air.

“So you’re just going to keep us all locked up here,” Tony said flatly from the door way. Pepper gently touched his back, but that only caused him to look down and catch sight of the hand that was wrapped in a cast. He looked away like the sight burned him.

It probably did.

“Ah come on,” Clint said beside me, his voice wheezing from the bandages keeping his ribs in place as they healed. “It’ll be like one giant sleepover.”

“I think you may be reaching a bit there,” Bruce said ruefully.

Coulson sat on the piano bench in front of us, patiently letting us process the news. The line of his mouth was flat and grim, and his hands hung firmly clasped from his forearms that rested on his knees. His lip was torn, and I knew that under his suit shirt his shoulder was wrapped, protecting the venerable flesh where the bullet drove through him. He wouldn’t be staying with us, he was going back out there.

“This is ridiculous. You’re benching us over some would be assassins like we haven’t faced worse,” Tony fumed.

“For once it’s not about the safety of civilians, it’s about your safety alone. There’s no sense letting you stay out among the public and potentially putting them in danger,” Coulson replied evenly.

“Come on, this isn’t amateur hour, we know what we’re doing!”

“Then why is Nadie in a leg brace and Pepper in a sling?”

Tony’s jaw ticked as he took a step towards Coulson, Pepper quickly grabbing his arm to hold him back. The brush of her cast made him flinch and he shrunk back against the door jamb as though someone had electrocuted him.

“Can’t you give us an estimate of how long we’re going to be here?” Natasha asked lowly.

“I’m afraid we don’t have any leads on who attacked you, so I can’t say.”

“That’s just great,” Tony spat. Instinctively I looked down for my bag to grab the anti anxiety medication I always carried with me for him in case of emergencies, but my chest tightened as I remember that my purse had been in my house which was now nothing more than ash and rubble. I met Pepper’s eyes in a worried exchange.

“Coulson, some of us can’t just stay here indefinitely,” Clint said, suddenly sober. “Some of us have other commitments.”

“We’re working as fast as we can.”

“Well what you’re doing is not good enough!” Tony yelled. “While you’re back out there in the real world, apparently sitting around with your thumb in your ass, you’re just gonna leave us here like sitting ducks. Tell me Agent, are you hoping that whoever is out there will finish the job, or are you hedging your bets that Inspector Gadget will do it himself?”

“Tony…” Pepper warned.

“What are you trying to say Stark?” Steve bit out.

“I’m say you’ve been very tight lipped on what progress Terminator’s been making, or lack thereof.”

“Maybe I just figured you’d hack whatever information you wanted.”

“Guys!” Nat snapped, looking at both of them with an expression the exchange to an end.

“What about Sam?” I asked quietly, fear creeping into my chest, ugly and cold. “And where’s Rhody and Wanda?”

“Rhodes is working a mission right now, he wasn’t attacked. His cover is completely under the radar, he shouldn’t be in any danger. Wanda will be here by tomorrow evening, we had some trouble extracting her from the city she was undercover in but she’s in a safe house now.”

“And Sam?” Steve pressed.

“Training. He’s at the Avengers Headquarters safe and sound. If anything happens, I’m sure you’ll have another roommate. And before anyone asks, we made contact with Asgard and Thor has been fully informed on what's going on down here. He will be staying off the planet unless absolutely necessary until the threat is neutralized”

“Not what I want to hear, Coulson!” Tony thundered.

“Like I said, we’ll keep you informed, and we will work as fast as we can.” Coulson rose from his seat and nodded at us all. “I’ll leave you all to get settled. Nadie, we left the clothes and personal items that were purchased for you in the room Tony designated as yours. If you think of anything more that you need, feel free to let me know and I’ll have it delivered.”

“Thank you.” My words snagged in my throat as I tried to get them out. I really was grateful, but gratitude is hard to feel when you’re mourning. His small, sad smile let me know he understood.

And with that, he left, and we were all alone.

“I still think this could be fun.”

I couldn’t help but huff at Clint who they me an unapologetic grin. It didn’t fix things, but it eased them a little bit. Bruce patted my shoulder and walked over to Tony and Pepper who murmured to one another for a moment before leaving the room. Natasha grabbed Clint’s arm and threw it around her shoulder, hoisting him up from the couch and following their suit. Finally Steve came over and carefully scooped me up.

“You don’t have to do this,” I told him gently.

“I’m not just going to let you limp around. Stark told me which room you were in, one of the only ground floor ones.”

“How considerate of him,” I said dryly. “I hope he doesn’t think a little generosity here and there will get him out of buying me a new house.”

“You can send him to me if he even thinks about it,” Steve chuckled.

“Will do, Cap.”

Steve carried me to a corner of the house comfortably removed from the kitchen and living room, setting me down briefly to open the door. If I had been surprised by how unTony-like the house had been decorated so far, this room completely blew my initial show out of the water. The room was much more feminine than I ever decorated, but there were little echoes of things I’d done with my house before it was completely obliterated. I knew Pepper and F.R.I.D.A.Y. had to have done most of the picking, but I didn’t doubt that the idea was Tony’s.

“When did he have time to do this?” I wondered aloud.

“On the jet ride over while you were sedated,” Steve answered. “Apparently the tin man does have a heart.”

I gently punched his shoulder, stumbling a little as Steve used that arm to bring me closer to his side. Something was bothering him, and I could only venture a guess at what that was.

“You’re worried about how Bucky’s going to hold up, aren’t you?”

“I’m… aware of problems that may arise.”

“Same thing.”

“He really is doing better. Way better. Better than I imagined he could be, but there are still some problems.”

“Well no one’s perfect Steve, my mom always used to say the name of the game is progress.”

“Yes, but progress can still leave a lot of room for error,” Steve replied darkly.

“We’ll keep an eye on him as a group,” I said firmly. “I know you guys have your differences, but I’ve seen how you can work as a team when the situation calls for it. This won’t be any different.”

“I put him across the hall from you.”

This made me pause. I turned around and eyed the door across from mine, the one that had been firmly shut since about five minutes after we arrived on the island.

“I’m in the room right above yours,” Steve said quickly. “If anything happens I’ll be down in a flash. I just thought it’d be best to have him as removed from the fray as possible, you know?”

“Steve,” I interjected, stopping his rapid explanation. “I’m not worried.”

“But you will be cautious?” he frowned.

“Yes, yes, of course,” I reassured him, patting his big arm before pulling away and hobbling over to the giant bed and flopping down on the fluffy white duvet. “I’ll put garlic over the doors and a super soaker full of holy water on my nightstand.”

“That’s it, I’m not helping you to dinner.”


	2. Until the Voices Wake Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have lingered in the chambers of the sea  
> By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown  
> Till human voices wake us, and we drown. 
> 
> -The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Elliot
> 
>  
> 
> Shorter chapter this time, I don't know if you guys like shorter chapters or if you'd be happier with longer ones, let me know if you have a preference.
> 
> Thanks so much as always for reading! Have a beautiful day!

Sometimes when life gave you lemons, it threw the entire tree at you at a high velocity. I felt vaguely like this is what had happened as I soaked in the tub, keeping the leg with brace propped up on the side of the tub. Over the sound of my music I heard the door open. With a groan I slid lower into the water until if just covered my mouth.

“Oh come on, you’re not going to drowned yourself to avoid girl time, are you?”

I quickly pulled my face from the water as I started to laugh.

“Well Natasha, girl time with you usually involves bumps and bruises.”

She huffed, pulling the plush chair over to the foot of the tub and sand sat so she was facing me, propping her legs up so they were directly next to my braced one. With her hands locked behind her head she looked relaxed, but knowing here there was no way she felt at ease here, especially being in such close proximity to him.

I knew Natasha and James had a past, and not a happy one. Granted both of their pasts as a whole were rather unhappy. I tried to search her face for some sign of how she felt, but of course I found none.

“Are you doing ok?” I asked her, at a loss for anything to say.

“Fine,” she replied with a light smile.

“Natasha…”

“I’ll be fine,” she assured me. “Steve says he’s made leaps and bounds and I believe him.”

“But that doesn’t mean it puts you at ease.”

She had nothing to say to that. Instead she leaned her chair back dangerously to grab a nail file from a shelf. Returning all four feet of the chair to the floor she set out at rounding out her nails. We sat there quietly for a while, the friction of the file against keratin and swirling water accompanying the music. My eyes wandered to Natasha’s face and I couldn’t help but wince at the state of her face. I had overheard Clint throwing out things like “shattered eye socket” and “dislocated jaw” when I overheard he and Steve talking.

“It looks worse than it feels,” she said without looking up.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Bruce is keeping me nice and doped up, stop worrying.”

“You don’t take pain medications in the best of situations,” I replied stubbornly.

She sighed, swinging her feet down and leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. Her sharp, all seeing eyes holding mine in a manner that meant business and that whatever she said she expected to be heard and followed.

“Do not worry about me, I will be fine. You focus on getting yourself well, do you hear? Do not worry about me, do not worry about us, we will be fine.”

“I’m not made of glass,” I huffed. Her face softened a bit, the corners of her lips twitching.

“Might as well be.”

She dipped her hand into the water, flicking her wrist and sending the soapy liquid into my face. I jumped, my face scrunching up to avoid getting it in my eyes as she laughed at me. In exasperation I sat there with the same pinched expression on my face as I slowly reached up to pull away the now dripping wet strands of hair that stuck to my face. Natasha laughed outright, leaning back again and crossing her arms over her stomach as her shoulder shook.

“Yea, yea, very cute, asshole.”

“You look like a little drowned rat.”

“That’s funny, you look like a giant cunt to me.”

That of course just made her laugh harder.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.!” I yelled as Natasha continued on in hysterics.

“Yes Miss Nadie,” the computer’s voice sounded.

Of course F.R.I.D.A.Y. was here. Long story short, it turned out that Tony had owned this house under the table for years. Fury and Hill hadn’t even known about it until he had begrudgingly told them. He had recently renovated it to give as a gift for Pepper, the house having stood abandoned and dilapidated until less than a year ago.

“Would you make a note to better locks on my doors?”

More laughter.  
 “Should I set this as a high priority, m’am?”

“No,” I said begrudgingly. “Just make a note in case someone gets bored. I imagine it’ll only be a matter of time before someone starts climbing the walls looking for even the simplest chore to do.”

“I will list it as an option the next time someone asks.”

“Thanks,” I grumbled.

“Any time.”

“You know there isn’t a lock around that can keep me out,” Nat said smugly.

“Yea, but it can slow you down.”

——————————————————————————————————————————

The minute I made my way into the library I knew something was off. It was eerily quiet despite everyone being there. Steve sat at the piano, staring blankly at it as he he wished it would make some sort of sound to start off just so he wouldn’t have to be the once to shatter the silence. Clint and Natasha sat together on one of the couches silently playing some sort of card game I didn’t recognize, mumbling every so often before they switched cards around. Tony just stood there in a staring match with the window, Pepper beside him in a chair reading a book wile he glared at the glass. The only sound came from Bruce who was tucked away in a corner taping away at his laptop. Bucky was still in his room.

I cleared my throat, almost wincing at the way the noise reverberated through the room. Ok, time to change things up.

“Come on Bruce,” I said cheerfully, walking over to him and closing his laptop. Setting it aside I took his arm and hauled him up. The good sport as always, he just looked at me with amusement as I dragged him out of the room and into the kitchen.

“Alright, what are we making?” Bruce asked.

“I’m thinking comfort food buffet, you know grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, pizza, mac and cheese, maybe even a beef stew.”

“Oh I get it, you’re working with the assassins to make sure we’re too fat to run.”

“Good one,” I said dryly. “Your wit continues to amuse.”

“I’ll be here all week… probably for several weeks.”

“Make yourself useful would you? Get out the ingredient for pizza and beef stew.”

“Yes m’am.”

“Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” I called as I got pasta from the pantry.

“Yes Miss Nadie?”

“Make me a playlist from my music library and put it on shuffle, would you? Oh, and keep it upbeat.”

“Right away Miss.”

“You’re a doll!”

“Actually she’s a computer,” Bruce called over his shoulder.

“You know, part of me misses the days when you were scared of your own shadow,” I groused.

“What a terrible thing to say.”

“Yea, yea, I’m an asshole. Start shredding up this cheese.”

“As you wish, master.”

I snorted as Uptown Funk started playing through the speakers, making Bruce groan. He ignored me as I danced around him, my movements cautious and awkward with my leg injury. Studiously he continued doing various prep tasks until I snagged his hand and used it to twirl myself. Shaking his head he picked up the cheese grater and started working away at the pile of cheese blocks in front of him. We carried on like that until the kitchen was filled with the smell of stew and warm bread and melted cheese. Slowly but surely the other house mates had filtered into the kitchen, some helping, some just pulling up a chair or a bar stool to chat and observe. There was an excess of food, even for this lot, but no one was complaining. We all grabbed what sounded good, piling our plates high and eating slowly as we talked and joked. There was still an intensity to the atmosphere, an air of solemnity that wouldn’t quite leave completely, but we were all talking. All but one at least.

It was a long time before James snuck into the room. I didn’t even know he had entered until he was directly beside me, grabbing a grilled cheese. He looked up at me once he had it, looking… almost sheepish.

“Increased metabolism,” he explained, lifting his plate piled high with food for emphasis.

“Oh god, don’t worry about that,” I laughed. “I’m well aware of how Steve eats, and Bruce and I made enough to feed a small country. Time flies when you’re having fun, huh Banner?”

“Yes. Fun. That’s what we were doing.”

My mouth dropped open and I put my fists on my hips.

“That’s it, I’m keeping you and Tony separate!”

“Me?” Tony whined. “What’d I do?”

“You’re obviously a bad influence. Turning even the kind doctor into a snarky monster.” I shook my head in mock pity.

“In my defense he already had the monster thing covered.”

“Tony!” Pepper said, smacking his shoulder.

I watched quietly as a battle ensued, Steve and Clint quickly getting sucked into the verbal fray, but Natasha stayed suspiciously quiet. My lips pursed as I wondered at her. I had heard rumors, the team was never short of those, but I didn’t know what to make of them. As inconspicuously as I could, I slid my gaze to Bruce, looking him up and down for any indication that he was in distress. He seemed perfectly normal though, as if we were all back at Avengers Headquarters on those days he came in to help Tony with something science-y. If was funny now that I thought about it, Nat always seemed to be on a mission whenever he dropped in from whatever corner of the earth he tucked himself into when he wasn’t in New York. Suspiciously I looked back to my friend but immediately I knew I was caught, and there was a warning in her eyes that I had never received from her before. Her gaze lowered almost immediately after we made eye contact, her taking an almost embarrassed swig of her beer, but the message had come through loud and clear. This was obviously shaky ground that I wasn’t welcome on.

I was strangely fine with that. Not in the sense I was fine with Natasha hurting, but I was fine with her not wanting to share. After all these years I thought she deserved privacy if she wanted it. When she looked up at me again I gave her a smile, one that she ruefully returned. She was going to be ok. Maybe a little bruised, but still ok.

Bucky was also a quiet observer beside me, munching on his dinner while conversation bubbled. We all ended up joking and eating and drinking late into the night, and while things weren’t perfect or, in a lot of ways, even really fine, we were all together and talking. Progress, that was the name of the game.

——————————————————————————————————————————

The pain was what woke me up. It wasn’t as bad at when my ceiling fell on me, but it was bad enough to pull me from sleep. With a groan I stood up, knowing that an executive decision had been made to keep all medication in the kitchen and under F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s lock and key, just in case. They hadn’t even let me keep a bottle of Advil in my bathroom.

I was going to give Nick Fury a piece of my mind once he decided to show his face.

Begrudgingly I grabbed the cane I had been given. I hated using it, I wasn’t sure why but I did hate it. The pain shooting along my leg from just above my ankle to my knee made it clear that it was my best option though. Feeling old and decrepit I hobbled out of my room.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” I croaked.

“Yes Miss Nadie,” she said immediately.

“I need pain meds like yesterday. What’d the good doctor give me?”

“He gave you the good stuff,” F.R.I.D.A.Y replied. “The prescribed dose is waiting for you at the chute.”

I limped over to a little corner of the kitchen where a plexiglass tube tube connected to the granite countertops. Opening the door I grabbed the pills that waited, getting a glass of water and swallowing them gratefully.

“Thanks F.R.I.”

“Any time, Miss.”

Leaning against the counter I waited for the medicine to take effect and sipped the rest of the water. I was so exhausted, but the pain kept me far away from actual sleep. A low murmur caught my attention, so quiet that it almost completely blended in with the night’s silence. Cautiously I peaked my head out of the kitchen, the glow of a TV bouncing off the hallway wall opposite of the family room.

I debated whether or not to investigate. With this group it was hard to tell what I was getting into. Steeling myself I slowly made my way across the hall, my cane clicking against the hard wood and announcing my presence. Pausing in the archway I knocked on the door frame.

“Can I come in?”

The was an expanse of nothing before I heard shifting.

“Yea, of course.”

James.

Walking in I saw him sitting on the floor, his back against a sofa that hid him from the doorway. I situated myself on the couch he wasn’t using, propping my leg up on a pillow. The news was playing, the typical doom and destruction flashing across the screen. James’ face was grim, tight, but blank and hollow, like he didn’t even know how to feel.

“You know my mother always warned me about watching too much news,” I said softly.

“Why?” he asked, his voice as hard as I’d ever heard it. Usually he tried so hard to blend in, to be a passive presence, but this was different. “She tell you that ignorance is bliss too?”

“No,” I replied patiently. “No that wasn’t why she told me that. They sell fear, James. Which ever side of a story scares people more is the one they tell, which ever they think will give them the highest ratings.”

“There are a lot of things to be scared of out there.”

I almost physically flinched as the suffocating constriction in my chest. He was right of course, there were plenty of things to be scared of in the world and he had probably seen every single one of them.

“I always like to think there’s just as many, if not more good things out there, but I guess I wouldn’t know, would I? Sorry, my mom also used to tell me I tended to talk too much.”

“No, no,” he said, almost like we was remembering something. “I think I’m just starting to show my age.”

“You wouldn’t be the only one. Is Steve starting to grey?” I teased. He smiled, the expression not quite translating from his mouth to his eyes, like they had forgotten what to do.

“No way, that punk is gonna outlive us all.”

“You’re probably right.”

We sat in comfortable silence, watching the different stories take their turn in the spot, each more horrible than the last. Luckily the pain meds were starting to kick in and the fire in my leg started to burn itself out. My eyelids started to droop and it occurred to me that the couch was incredibly comfortable.

“… watching?”

“Hm?” I asked, realizing he’d asked me something.

“What would you recommend watching?”

“I always watch a favorite movie when I can’t sleep,” I mumbled, my words slurred with exhaustion. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. can get you anything you want to watch.”

I heard some low words exchanged as I snuggled deeper into the couch. There was a thin blanket hanging on the back of the couch so I snagged that, pulling it up to my chin. Blinking slowly I saw the opening scene of the 1931 Frankenstein play on the TV and couldn’t help but smile.

“Leave it to one of the grandpas to start pulling out the classics.”

I figured my speech would’ve been completely incomprehensible at this point, but I heard a little surprised laugh. Nothing huge, just a quiet chuckle. I felt just a little bit better as I fell asleep.


	3. Half a League Onward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half a league, half a league,  
> Half a league onward,  
> All in the valley of Death  
> Rode the six hundred.  
> "Forward, the Light Brigade!  
> "Charge for the guns!" he said:  
> Into the valley of Death  
> Rode the six hundred.
> 
> -The Charge of the Light Brigade by Lord Alfred Tennyson
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so, so, SO much Umeko713 for your lovely comment, you da real MVP!
> 
> This chapter title doesn't technically come from a poem, but it does come from a very poetic chapter of Beloved by Toni Morrison so I'm going to count it.
> 
> Of course I want to thank anyone who comments, kudos, bookmarks, subscribes, and reads this, you guy make my day, thank you!

His hands were everywhere, running up my thighs, across my middle. I felt his breath on my neck, hot and heavy as my hair was pulled aside. Our heartbeats kept time with one another at a thunderous pace. My ass was fitted snugly against his lap, his overheated body infecting mine.

This was weird.

The hands tried to distract me, but the nagging feeling of off-ness persisted.

Why was this familiar? I didn’t even know who this guy was.

Wait, why the fuck didn’t I know who this was?!

Oh. That was why.

 

I was yanked from sleep, panting and furious.

“WANDA!”

The pounding of her footfalls down the hall confirmed my guess. Mad as a hornet I threw my duvet back and hobbled on after her, screaming that I was going to kill her. Three blissful days I had enjoyed without her. Why couldn’t the weather have stayed shitty in the little corner of the world where she had been stuffed originally? Why? Why?! WHY?!

“What’s wrong princess?” I heard her yell from around the corner. “Were you having a nice dream?”

“I’ll have a nice dream on your dead body!” I panted, my leg giving me the chasing abilities of an arthritic mummy. My head starting to spin, I was forced to lean against the wall of the hallway to catch my breath. “Just you wait, you scarlet bitch.”

I heard Steve sigh, and I looked up to see him shaking his head pityingly at me with his arms crossed over his chest. Trying to look as imposing as I could whilst just short of an asthma attack, I glared at him. Needless to say it had very little effect.

“Come on, dork,” he said, scooping me up.

“I almost had her,” I grumbled.

“I know, I know.”

“She’s lucky you came along.”

“Whatever you say Killer,” he chuckled.

“Damn lucky,” I pouted.

Steve took me to the family room, laying me down on the couch and arranging my feet so they rested in his lap. Everyone was gathered around aside from Tony, Pepper, and Bruce. I was used to never seeing Bruce, but Tony and Pepper usually had coffee with everyone before they ran off to try and save Stark Industries. Well, Pepper tried to save in and Tony kicked and screamed.

“So Nadie, you’re up early?” Natasha asked from the other couch, looking up from her apparently three day long card game she had going with Clint.

I seethed.

“Wanda, would you like to explain?”

“It wasn’t my dream,” she said innocently, leisurely taking a hand of cards that Nat dealt her and leaning her elbows against the back of the couch from where she stood behind it. “Pass.”

“Must have been some dream, eh?” Clint grinned.

“Wanda was playing E.L. James in my head,” I growled, glaring at her. “Twisted little bastard.”

“No name calling,” Wanda said firmly.

Groaning, I let my head fall back against the armrest with a thump. Steve patted my ankle sympathetically with an encouraging smile. Nestled into the couch, mumbling peevishly like an old man, it took me a while before I noticed James standing in the corner.

It looked like every muscle in his body was tense, arms crossed over his chest he was bristled and on high alert, not taking his eyes off of Wanda. Worriedly I nudged Steve with my foot. He looked at me with confusion for a moment, before following my gaze. I watched the realization take over his face, you didn’t have to be a genius to figure out why he was on high alert.

“Well Nadie, I hate to be the taskmaster, but you know the doctor’s order,” Steve said.

“What?” I asked. How the hell did he come to that conclusion?!

“Physical therapy time,” he explained.

I blanched. When did Satan inhabit Steve’s body?

“Wanna hit the gym with us, Buck?”

“I kinda want to hit you,” I interjected.

Steve ignored me, looking at James expectantly who nodded quickly. Practically dragging me out of the room, Steve lead all of us in the newly renovated basement of the mansion which now was sectioned off into the crazy superhero gym, the crazy superhero meeting room, and the crazy mad scientist lab. I pouted all the way to the stupidly high tech gym, cursing Steve to a lengthy stay in all seven circles of hell. He fired up a treadmill for me, giving me a warning glare when I seriously considered bolting for the door. Grumpily I hopped on.

Looking placated, he went over to his locker, wrapping up his hands for the punching bag. Childishly I made faces at him while his back was turned, a small laugh reminding me that Bucky had also come down here with us. I watched curiously at he went over to a cabinet in the corner of the gym. Opening it up, I saw it was filled with various weapons like bows and knives that all looked deadly to me. He considered the selection like someone considers a steak at the meat counter.

“Bucky…” Steve said slowly.

“Take is easy, Mama Eagle,” I said. “Disengage helicopter mode.”

“You’re just saying that because you’d love to knick me with one of those knifes,” he huffed.

“Well, I mean you’re not wrong.”

“Why don’t you up your pace a little?”

“Why don’t you go back to the iceberg you came from?”

We both looked over as we heard a thud, seeing one of the knifes previously in the cupboard deeply imbedded into a dummy. I let out a low whistle, Steve cutting me a sharp look. Ignoring him I upped the speed from drunken grandmother to slightly more sober grandmother. Looking annoyed, Steve started laying into the punching bag as another dummy met their fate.

“Don’t worry Steve, empty nest syndrome doesn’t last forever,” I told him.

“At least I’ve found someone who can finally beat you at throwing knives.”

That made me pause. And almost fall off the back of the treadmill.

“You know knives?” James asked cautiously.

“Just how to throw them,” I said, feeling the need to reassure him. “Honestly it was just a trick my brothers taught me to hustle some money out the city boys when I moved to New York.”

“Can I see?”

Steve was trying to look nonchalant and failing miserably. I shrugged, turning off the treadmill and making my way over to the cupboard. Carefully I examined my choices. A quick inspection of each one revealed they were all perfectly weighted so I went for the one of the smallest and lightest available. It fit nicely in my hand, giving me good control and its lightweight allowed my wrist to move quickly and easily.

“There’s not much weight behind that,” James commented.

“I’m not looking to take a man down in hand-to-hand,” I said with a smile. “Just something that would leave a bunch of drunk guys going home with empty wallets.”

I passed over the dummy, instead aiming for one of the poster targets. Raising my arm and perfecting my grip on the knife, I stared intently at the bullseye. Slowing my breathing I squared my shoulders and made my move. The knife stuck dead center, and I couldn’t help but grin. Just like riding a bike.

“Impressive.”

“No, what all of you guys can do is impressive. What I do is just a party trick,” I said, trying to convey as friendly of a tone as I could. Gently I patted his arm, turning to go back to my treadmill before Steve started cracking the whip.

“If you’re comfortable with knives, I could teach you how to do more than just throw them,” he said suddenly. I stopped and turned to look at him

“Why?” I asked confused by his offer.

“Well, someone did blow up your house. It couldn’t hurt to know one method of defending yourself in case of emergency. I assume you don’t want to be stuck in this house or with a body guard forever, do you?”

“I suppose I don’t. Are you sure it wouldn’t be any trouble?” I pressed, still unsure.

“No,” he said quietly. “No not at all. It’ll be nice to use what I know for something good.”

I nodded, suddenly understanding why he offered. There used to be little things Natasha did that wouldn’t make sense to me until I got to know her and what guilt she carried. They all carried it, and they all tried to alleviate it differently. If this helped at all, who was I to argue? He had a point anyways, throwing a knife into a picture pinned to the wall of a dive bar was very different than throwing a knife into a person, and if what happened to my house was any indication, I may need to know how to do the latter.

“Alright, only if you’re promise you’re a better teacher than Steve.”

“Deal.”

——————————————————————————————————————————

As we came out on the other side of the week, we all fell into a rhythm. Tony, Steve, and Natasha had meetings with Agent Hill and Coulson almost every morning, and then after that Pepper would snag Tony for a company meeting where they were scrambling to ensure no harm came to their employees and that the business continued to run. Natasha would either tuck into a corner of the house with Clint for a Skype call with his family, or her and Wanda would gang up on me and take advantage of my impaired state to bother the shit out of me. I was spending a gross amount of time in the gym with Steve kept me active and following my doc’s orders to a T despite my ample complaining, and Bucky’s self defense lessons. He was actually quite a good teacher, quiet for the most part unless there was something that needed fixing, and mindful of my injured leg. Honestly the lessons were a nice break from the day and I enjoyed them as much as I could with the knowledge that I was learning how to hurt someone always present in the back of my mind.

The only one that I saw almost none of, was Bruce.

He had holed himself up in the lab, only coming up to snag meals and, at least I would assume, sleep. I knew that he had contact with Tony, but he didn’t seem to be spending time with anyone else, and that worried me. That was also why I was exceedingly surprised when he showed up in my kitchen one morning before breakfast was ready.

It was already off because the kitchen was empty, save for me. Usually I had James in there helping while he avoided Wanda, but I remembered Steve had mention an early morning run he wanted to do. Sometimes Natasha would sneak in, but only if she thought I wouldn’t ask her to help and since breakfast was simple she had stayed away. But here was Bruce, looking uncomfortable and pale.

“Good morning,” I said cautiously.

He smiled and nodded, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. 

“Morning. Is the rest of the team around?”

“Not really,” I said, unsure of what he was getting at. “James and Steve have gone for a run and I think everyone else is either busy working or busy trying to avoid working.”

“Ah,” he said, shuffling further into the room.

I decided to go back to scrabbling the eggs, but the feeling of someone looking over my shoulder had me on edge. After about a minute of nothing I irritatedly set down my bowl and whisk and turned to look at Bruce.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

“How’s Natasha?”

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no, I was not doing this.

“Ask her yourself,” I said immediately, turning back to my task.

“That’s not really an option.”

“It is, you just don’t want to. So that’s why you’re hiding out in the lab then? To avoid Natasha?”

I could hear the harsh judgement in my voice and I immediately scolded myself for minding other people’s business, but my annoyance was scalding and took over. He took a step back, clearly not wanting to have this conversation.

“I’m just trying to be considerate,” he said quietly.

“No, you’re running,” I said. “Again.”

“I had my reasons for leaving. Natasha wasn’t safe with me,” he said with the same tone I imagined someone who thought they were martyring themselves would have.

“Oh god Bruce really? You think Natasha needs your protection? Really?”

“I’m-“

“A monster? If you were about to say monster you’re going to get egg all down your front.”

He pursed his lips, glaring at me balefully. I knew I wasn’t being helpful, the words just spewed from my mouth like a communicable disease. Taking a deep breath I set down the now over worked eggs and turned to fully face Bruce, leaning against the counter.

“Listen, if the only thing you’re worried about is that you left Natasha heartbroken, you’re worrying about the wrong thing,” I said flatly. “If you’re worried about the fact that you just pulled a disappearing act on not only her, but the entire team, then you’re getting closer.”

“I was doing what I thought was best,” he said stubbornly.

“Yea, I get that. Newsflash though, you’re not god. It’s not up to you to decide what’s best for everyone. There are people who care about you here, who are willing to help you and you just threw it all back in their faces.”

He had nothing to say to that, so I pressed on.

“Now Natasha, I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this but she’s not typically a fuzzy person and you weren’t exactly a logical choice for her. For reasons unknown to me she chose you to try for something as close to normal as you all get and you just thew it away because you were scared. So to answer your question Bruce, Natasha is fine, she knows better than to beat herself up over something like this and she’s too strong to be heartbroken just because you were a coward. You fucked up Bruce, there’s no two ways about it, you fucked up, but now you have a choice. Either face the music and start kissing ass and making up with your team, or keep hiding and leave as soon as we’re cleared to leave here. Because of what you guys are, you will not always have a lot, but you should always have one another, don’t shit on that. Be in, or be out.”

I didn’t stop to wait for a reply or to read his expression, I simply threw out the over beaten eggs and went to grab some fresh ones. He stood there for a while, saying nothing, me giving him no reprieve from the silence. If he wanted to find a way to integrate himself into daily life in the house, it wouldn’t be through me. He didn’t deserve the easy rout, and I didn’t have the right to let him back into their lives. They would have to work that out all on their own. Eventually he left, his footfalls signaling his retreat, no doubt back to his lab. A pair of footsteps entering immediately followed. The smell of sweat and the forest encroached in on the kitchen, giving away who my visitors were.

“Was that Bruce?” Steve asked.

“Yep.”

“He hasn’t been around much, what’d he want?”

“A pass,” I replied. “He wanted to be told he did the right thing.”

There was a beat before Steve answered.

“Did he get what he came for?”

“No.”

——————————————————————————————————————————

It was raining, something that always made me feel at home and totally at peace, but from the sounds coming across the hall, it didn’t have the same effect on everyone. I had been up much later than I should have reading a book when I first heard the sound of distress clearly coming from the bedroom across the hall. Not wanting to overstep any boundaries I stayed in bed, trying to focus in on the words in front of me, but as the sounds increased in volume and frequency, I knew what was going on.

I was probably no more than fifteen years old on my first baby sitting job, lounging in the Michael’s living room doing homework when I heard their son Benjamin screaming. Naturally I panicked and ran up to his room, just about fainting when I saw he was sitting upright in bed alone with his eyes open. Avoiding his swinging arms I had shaken him awake, shocked when he suddenly looked at me, dazed and terrified. His mother told me when she got home that he had night terrors frequently, acting like it was no big deal, like it had just slipped her mind.

As calmly as I could, I turned back my covers and set my book down on my side table, shoving my feet into my slippers. Focusing on my breathing, I made my way across the hall to quietly rap on his door.

“James?” I called, a little awkwardly.

There was no answer, aside from the sound of fabric and fear. I hesitated, wondering if it was really my place when a loud crash had me opening the door and checking for possible danger.

The bedside table had been knocked over, the blankets pushed from the bed accept for the sheet which had tangled around his legs like angry reaching hands. I quickly scanned for broken glass but found none. Even though I knew he was durable, I decided to walk around to the opposite side of the bed and pull away the other night stand before it hurt him or he hurt it. Finding nothing else that could cause injury. I tentatively stepped back over to the bed and sat on the edge, out of the radius of swinging arms.

Mrs. Michael’s advice had just been to shake Ben awake, but just a little bit of research showed that it really wasn’t the optimal thing to do. It didn’t surprise me that she hadn’t even bothered to do a google search on how to best help her son, and ultimately that was what convinced me to keep the job despite feeling like I was way in over my little fifteen year old head. I had gotten very good at helping ease him out of his night terrors, but soothing a six year old felt very different than soothing a grown man. Sitting there was the eeriest sense of déjà vu.

“Hey James,” I said quietly. “It’s gonna be ok, aright? I’m right here, you’re safe.”

I didn’t try to touch him, that had always made Ben more upset and didn’t have half of the material I’m sure James had to be afraid of. You can have a general idea of the things that would terrify a six year old, but I had no idea what kind of demons he was doing battle with. I was quick to shake off those thoughts, this wasn’t about me. After that, slipping back into the job was surprisingly easy. My heart beat normally though it ached, and I tried to exude as much calm as I could, but I knew it all came down to just riding it out.

Looking periodically at the cracked screen of the clock on the ground I saw the minutes drag on one by one until a half hour’s time had gone by. I felt exhausted as the thrashing finally slowed and the screams finally were swallowed by the night and gave way to whimpers. No one else had come down, and I had to wonder if the whole house wasn’t awake but hiding. Really I couldn’t blame them when I myself almost hadn’t come in. 

Seeing him out of the woods, I decided it was time to return my own bed, but before I could move James surprised me.

“Nadie?”

Ben was never able to recognize me in a night terror, and he never woke up fully afterwards. Looking at Bucky though, I realized he looked very lucid.

“Yes,” I said slowly. “It’s me.”

“What…”

I stayed silent as he looked around for the answers. The destroyed nightstand caught his eye, making him look to it’s sister, safely out of reach. His mind struggled to piece together the story, staring angrily at his lap when it alluded him, as if the answers had fallen out of his head and onto the sheets.

“You had a night terror,” I said gently.

One piece.

“I woke you,” he guess.

“Yes.”

Two.

“You stayed with me?”

“I did. I’ve seen my fair share so I knew what to do, moving possible collateral and whatnot. Although I must say, I think the you are much more of a danger to the furniture than the furniture is to you, you batted that table out of the park.”

“You helped me?”

“I tried. Really all I did was sit here and talk.”

Three. Enough for a vague idea.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally. “Have I been doing this all week?”

“No,” I reassured him. “This is the first time I’ve heard anything, there’s nothing to apologize for.”

“This usually doesn’t happen,” he said, frustrated. “At least it hasn’t.”

“The added stress and the move probably triggered it,” I soothed. “Just an isolated incident.”

He didn’t say anything, instead returning to glaring at his lap where his hands now rested. The feeling of unease returned, this time because I felt like an intruder. This wasn’t something he would have chosen to share with me, but I was here anyways.

“Why don’t you go take a shower, or at least change your clothes,” I said as I got up. “I’ll get some new sheets for you.”

I left before he could reply, ducking my head as I exited the door and started rooting through cupboard for bedding. The nagging voice in my head told me I was running away, and it was absolutely right. Logically I had no reason to feel embarrassed or guilty, but I did. Secrets were were precious, especially to them and I felt like I had wrongly taken one from him.

“Sheets are in the third cupboard from the right,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. called over her speakers.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“You did the right thing, Miss Nadie. It was the practical course of action.”

“Humans are a bit more complicated than that, F.R.I., it’s about more than just practicality.”

“If you insist, Miss.”

I went to the cupboard she pointed out and grabbed a plain white set of sheets, bundling them up in my arms and toeing the door shut. A draft swept through the hall, making me shiver. I felt guilty. Secrets were sacred here, they were even like armor to some, and it felt like I had taken one from him. No, the screams had no doubt alerted the entire house to what was happening, Steve probably knew immediately, but if I hadn’t walked in we could have pretended to be none the wiser. It wasn’t a healthy was of dealing with things, but it seemed to be the preferred method. The more I thought about it, the more isolated I felt.. They were the team, they knew one another, I was just there.

I rapped softly on James’ door, half hoping he wouldn’t answer so I could just leave the bedding outside, but luck wasn’t on my side.

“Come in.”

I walked in on eggshells, clutching the sheets like they would hold me together as I entered. Bucky’s hair was wet and he had changed his clothes and stripped the sheets from his bed, leaving him sitting on the bare mattress pad. He looked like he hurt, like the dream had physically hurt him. It drew me up short, but I reminded myself that I opened this can of worms, and that meant I had to just go with it.

“Come on, give me a hand. I already feel enough like a domestic servant cooking for you all, I don’t need to start making the beds as well.”

You could almost call his expression a smile, accept for the fact that it was no more than a twitch of the lips and it didn’t reach his eyes. He stood stiffly, reaching out his hand. I set down the top sheet to shake out the fitted one, handing him one half. We made quick and silent work of task, and as soon as we were done I quickly retreated to the doorway.

“Sleep well,” I said quickly.

“Hold on,” he replied, looking uncomfortable. “Thank you for staying, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Well, I figured that worst case scenario you gave me a concussion and landed me a vacation from Tony.”

He stared at me open mouthed before a surprised laugh passed by his lips. Shaking his head he ran a hand through his shaggy hair, looking at me a little like I had a third head. That was fine, he could think I was weird, it beat him looking like he was in pain.

“Well, I’m going to go to bed. If the sun comes up before I can go back to sleep I’m a goner, and then it’ll be up to you to make the food for the day because I’ll be barely functioning.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “Good night.”

“Night.”

“Hey Nadie?”

“Yea?”

There was a pause before he finally answered.

“Thanks.”


	4. Out of the Ash I Rise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Herr God, Herr Lucifer  
> Beware  
> Beware.
> 
> Out of the ash  
> I rise with my red hair  
> And I eat men like air.
> 
> -Lady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath
> 
>  
> 
> Hello everyone! It's been a bit longer gap in between uploads this time, but I hope quality makes up for frequency. I would like to take a minute to thank everyone who takes the time to read, comment, kudo, bookmark, and subscribe to the story, your love just makes it a lot more fun to write so thank you for making my job easier! You honestly have no idea how much it brightens my day and I'm so grateful for any of your time you spend reading my work. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

“You’re still listing,” Natasha scolded.

I gritted my teeth and adjusted, ignoring the protesting muscles in my leg. Her lips were still pursed, unhappy. Again I made an adjustment and gentle protests turned to screaming. Sweat beaded on my brow and my jaw ached from the tension.

“I knew it, you’re not ready. Let your body heal or you’ll end up hurting yourself worse.”

“I’m fine,” I insisted. “If it doesn’t hurt, you’re doing it wrong, right?”

She shook her head in a remarkably motherly fashion for Natasha and clucked her tongue at me.

“Hips more forward.”

“You know, my first ballet teacher,” I panted. “Said it would be like riding a bike. I’m beginning to think she fucking lied.”

“I don’t think your baby ballet teacher was accounting for a house falling on you.”

“Natasha, is this happening or not?” Wanda called.

“Be careful,” I called after Nat’s retreating figure, my voice sounding embarrassingly strangled as I tried to remind my busted leg that it also knew ballet.

“Yea thanks,” she replied sardonically.

I returned my heels to the floor for a moment, giving myself a break as I watched Natasha join Wanda where she was seated in the corner of the mat. The two faced one another, Wanda’s Star of David necklace resting between her collarbones and glinting in the gym’s lighting. They both closed their eyes and looks of utter concentration overtook their faces. The team had started training with Wanda on trying to fight against her powers shortly after she officially joined the Avengers. There were varying levels of success in the ranks, Natasha and Clint having the greatest and Bruce the worst. Everyone was in agreement though that if anyone else came around that was gifted in the same way she was, they didn’t want to be caught with their pants down again. So they trained.

I decided to hang up the point shoes for the day. Natasha was right, I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to permanently damage my legs so I settled for hopping on the treadmill next to Pepper. She smiled, seemingly excited for company.

“Been a long month, huh?” I asked.

She nodded, looking exhausted.

“It was hard enough running everything when I was actually in the middle of it all. Now that I’m now physically there it just feels like moving in reverse. For every problem I solve, four more pop up. It’s just never ending.”

“We’ll be home soon,” I promised, trying to sound convincing. In reality I had no idea when we’d get out of here. With no leads and no new information things looked bleak and Pepper didn’t look convinced.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time down here,” she noted instead. My mood soured.

“Yes, mother eagle still drags me down here kicking and screaming for physical therapy even thought the brace has been off for two weeks now. I swear the only reprieve I get from him is when James shoos him out so he can show me how not to get myself killed.”

“Has he been, you know, holding up ok with all of that?” she asked gently.

“Yea, we haven’t had any problems and he’s a good teacher.”

I knew she didn’t completely believe me because we all heard the screams at night. They weren’t common things, but the one hadn’t been an isolated incident and they happened often enough that we had developed a routine. I’d wait until the past finally released its hold on his mind and then we’d clean up the evidence, usually not speaking until the task was done and we mumbled our quiet goodnights.

“Well I’m sure you’ll be able to give Natasha a run for her money in no time,” she replied politely.

“Not gonna happen,” Natasha shot in. “Tony sure, never me.”

“Focus,” Wanda, snapped. “I had a clear path.”

“Sorry, sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s interesting how your idea of girl time changes as you age,” Pepper said thoughtfully.

“I don’t think this is an age thing, I think this is just a matter of bad choices in career and boyfriends,” I snorted.

“Fiancé,” she corrected.

“Don’t make it worse.”

Pepper leveled me with one of her signature disapproving looks that she usually saved for Tony and swatted at me, making me stumble.

“Pepper, no!” I cried, gripping the handles and trying my best to look betrayed. “This isn’t friendship, this is abuse.”

As elegant and proper as Pepper was, there was no mistaking that the sound that came out of her mouth was a cackle. Even when my friends were normal, they were terrifying.

The sound of feet pounding into the floor caught all of our attention. Clint skittered into the room, grabbing the frame of the archway to stop himself from sliding all the way down the hall on the slick linoleum. Panting he leaned back against the wall, tipping his head back.

“There’s been- There was-“

Steve jogged into the room looking fresh as a daisy. A very concerned, grave daisy.

My heart jumped into my throat.

“We’ve got company guys.”

 

——————————————————————————————————————————

 

“Coulson, something’s gotta give,” Steve said quietly.

“Trust me Captain, we know and we’re working as fast as we can,” he replied.

“In the quintet you told me only former and current Avengers were in danger,” Tony cut in. “What, they can’t get to us so they just start trying to kill ever special they can get their hands on?”

“We don’t know Tony, this doesn’t fit the pattern.”

“What pattern, all the attacks happened in one night! What kind of profile can you build on them aside from fucking psychotic?”

“Tony,” Coulson said calmly. “We’re-“

“Working as fast as we can,” he finished sourly. “I know, I heard you the first time.”

He stormed out of the room, Pepper looking torn before she finally nodded at Coulson and went after him. The air in the room was dark and heavy and I sagged under the weight. Slowly I removed myself from my spot against the wall and sat down on the bed that held the command of the room. A boy lay tucked into it, looking pale and shattered.

“He’s just a kid Coulson, is he even out of high school yet?”

Coulson cleared his throat.

“His name is Peter Parker, aged 17 also known as Spiderman. He’s a high school senior.”

“So what’s our plan,” Steve asked. “Just keep packing people in here until every special on the planet is crammed into this house?”

“We’ll have this case solved before that happens,” he assured.

“So in other words that really is the plan,” Natasha said coldly.

“He’s going to have to go back to school,” I said. “He can’t stay locked up in here forever. What about his graduation? What about college?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Coulson said with his signature placating smile.

“I don’t know if you’re in tune with the public education system but that bridge is kind of here,” I insisted.

“Better to miss graduation than to be dead.”

“Listen Coulson, I know this isn’t your plan, it’s Fury’s, but you’ve got to tell him this isn’t a solution,” Steve said with complete authority. “This going underground thing obviously isn’t working accept to get other people wrapped up in this.”

“They’re trying to lure you all out of hiding,” Coulson explained.

“Well it’s working. By then end of the month I want us out.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You have a month.”

And then Steve was gone, and Coulson looked tired. Unable to help myself I got up and patted his shoulder.  
 “Go home Coulson, get some rest.”

He nodded, standing up and saying his goodbyes to Natasha, Clint, Bruce, James, and Wanda who were all still in the room. Moving like he was much older than he was, he made his exit and I could practically hear his bones creaking. Shakily I made my way back to the bed and sat.

“Do you mind watching him?” Natasha asked quietly. “I think it’s time we all had a team meeting.”

“No, that’s fine,” I murmured.

“Do I have to go too?” James asked.

“No, no you can stay,” she replied.

He gave her a grateful dip of the head which she acknowledged before ushering Bruce and Wanda out. After a moment of silence James grabbed a chair and pulled it up to where I sat near the broken boy’s bedside, but I couldn’t convince myself to look away from the cuts and bruises that made a mosaic of Peter’s face.

“What kind of people are they?” I asked. “Jesus, this is practically a child.”

“The kind who shouldn’t be out roaming the streets. They’ll expose themselves, this kind of violence can’t be hidden. The people who do this kind of thing… well we’re always caught in the end.”

I nodded, not feeling comforted. Who else would they hurt because they couldn’t get to us? Or what would we do if it had nothing to do with Avengers’ business and they were just trying to kill specials? How deep did their hatred go?

Then it occurred to me, James said ‘we’.

“You you’re nothing like them,” I said firmly and without room for argument, looking away from Peter for the first time to level James with a severe look.

“Not anymore, but for a very long time, I was,” he replied, so matter of fact that it was worse than if he’d started to cry.

“That wasn’t you,” I told him softly, placing a hand on his knee. He gave me a smile, not a happy one, but a smile.

“It was and it wasn’t. It’s in the past Nadie, don’t let it worry you.”

“It worries you.”

“What kind of person would I be if it didn’t?” he shrugged. Turning his gaze to Peter he looked thoughtful. “It doesn’t bother me the way it should, his age I mean. During the war we all knew there were kids out there who weren’t eighteen, hell some of them were probably barely even sixteen, it was just the way things were.”

“It was a different time,” I agreed. Bucky shifted, his hair falling into his face which he immediately brushed back behind his ear. Absently I mused over the action, noticing how long his hair had grown. “You’re definitely overdue for a haircut.”

“I know,” he said uncomfortably, rubbing his neck. “I just uh… I just haven’t gotten around to it.”

Oh. He doesn’t like the idea of a stranger holding sharp objects to him. The thought caused a twinge in my gut.

I was about to tell him never mind, that I was just being fussy when the boy in the bed stirred. Immediately our attention was diverted.

“Peter?” I called gently. “Peter can you hear me?”

He said something unintelligible, the sounds garbled and indistinct. I knew that all the scans they’d ran showed no signs of brain damage, but the muddle of words caused my anxiety to rise.

“Hey Peter, don’t worry, you’re safe now, ok?” I told him in the most assuring voice I could manage. James was silent beside me, watching carefully, cautiously.

“Where’m I?” he slurred. “Who’re hyou?”

“My name is Nadie Kennedy, you’re in a safe house right now.” I paused, hesitating to go on. “Peter you were attacked, do you remember that?”

He stared blankly at me, his mouth opening and closing like he had forgotten how to make sound. In that moment he looked so young, so overwhelmed and confused that I almost hugged him, but in a few moments it was gone, the information settling in a way that only the people like him could manage, the specials.

“I remember,” he rasped.

“James, can you get him some water?” I asked immediately. He nodded, getting up.

“Who’s he?” Peter asked.

“James Buchanan Barnes,” I replied. “I guess technically Sergeant Barnes, but that was a long time ago and a story best saved for later.”

“It’s just you two here?” he asked.

“Hardly,” I snorted. “I’m sure sooner rather than later you’ll met the rest of the team. For now you just rest, they say you took quite a beating.”

“Feels like it,” he said, a boyish smile sneaking across his face.

James came back into the room carrying a glass of water. I took it from him, helping Peter take a shallow sip before placing it on the bedside table, but Bucky didn’t sit back down. Curiously I looked up at him, surprised by his stony expression.

“James?”

He shook his head, avoiding eye contact.

“Peter, we’re going to give you a moment if that’s ok. If you need anything else just holler. Literally. There’s and AI system in every room, she’ll answer you. Her name is F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

Without waiting for questions I got up and quickly made my way out of the room, James following close behind. I shut the door behind us, following him to the kitchen where he turned to face me solemnly.

“I ran into Steve in the hall, Sam was attacked last night too.”

No.

“Sam’s safe back at headquarters.” My jaw ticked as I looked defiantly back at him.

“They sent him out under cover about a week after we arrived here, Nadie.”

I shook my head.

“Why would they do that?”

“They were looking for Rhodey. He hasn’t been in contact for as long as we’ve been gone.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, leaning shakily back against the counter.

Sam and Rhodey then.

They were good people. Smart, brave, resourceful and well trained, how could this be happening?

“This is bullshit,” I croaked. “They trying to keep us in the dark until it’s already too late. How are Tony and Steve taking it?”

“Steve went for a run, Tony is holed up in the lab with Bruce.”

“So bad and worse then,” I summarized. “The last time Tony was left emotionally venerable in a lab with Bruce the two created robo death monsters.”

“Pepper locked down every project that wasn’t Stark Industry related,” James assured.

The room was quiet as I hesitated, trying to work up the courage to ask the question I knew I didn’t want to hear the answer to.

“James, how bad is Sam?” I managed finally, my eyes stinging as my heart wrung itself inside my chest.

“He’s still unconscious. They’ll know more once he wakes up.”

“You mean if he wakes up.”

He looked at me unsurely before nodding, looking at the ground. The shaking started in my shoulders and radiated down my arms until it reached my fingertips, and further down still until my legs were completely useless. James reached out to catch me, but I waved him off, lifting myself onto the counter with a move that was less than graceful. I stared at my knees, expecting him to leave, James tended not to be big on emotional scenes and usually left once the mood shifted that way, but he surprised me by going to the refrigerator and starting to root around the shelves. Feeling tired though I just watched him work, and before I knew it the smell of clam chowder filled the room.

“You’ve been paying attention,” I noted, smiling weakly.

“Well I didn’t really like the idea of going back to Steve’s cooking once we got out of here.”

“Assuming they ever let us out,” I replied sourly.

“They will,” he told me with confidence I so envied.

I jumped when a hand landed on my shoulder. James had been completely silent when he walked over to me, I hadn’t even noticed his standing next to my perch until the physical contact. Quickly I smiled at him when I noticed the cautious expression on his face and placed my hand on top of his.

“You’re a good man Charlie Brown,” I told him honestly.

“Who?” He looked hopelessly confused. I couldn’t help but laugh a little at his expression.

“Just wait until Halloween,” I dismissed, patting his hand finally and sliding off the counter.

I busied myself with making bread bowls and fine-tuning the seasoning in the chowder. James helped me hollow out the bread loaves while we chatted idly, keeping our hands and our minds busy, although I’m sure it was more for my benefit than his.

No one came to dinner at the usual time. Peter was already back asleep so James and I took our dinner into the family room and ate there with a movie on to fill the empty space. Hours progressed into one another until one day bowed out to the next. If anyone else went to the kitchen for their dinner, I didn’t see them and at about 3:00 James got up to put the food away. I didn’t last much longer after that, passing out on the couch before he even made it back.

 

——————————————————————————————————————————

 

The roar is what woke me first, then the shaking of the ground. Immediately I sat up and turned my face towards the sweltering heat. Flames spat out of the kitchen archway, clawing down the hall, digging its nails into the wallpaper leaving it feathered and torn. Cold metal wrapped around my arm and yanked me away from it. I spun, my hands smacking against James’ chest to avoid falling, my lungs burning in the smoke.

“Come on, we have to move,” he told me urgently, taking one of my wrists and turning to tug me to safety.

“Wait, Peter-“

“Steve just went in to get him. Don’t worry about anyone else, just follow me!”

He didn’t leave any room for protest as he pulled me along after him. I found myself sprinting to keep up with him, but apparently even that wasn’t fast enough because we weren’t even half way down the hall when he turned and scooped me up, proceeding at a much faster pace carrying me than dragging me.

All of a sudden the ground shifted underneath us, teetering James into the wall. He turned in so his shoulder impacted, the ceiling cracking above us. Another explosion almost threw us to the ground. My ears rang from the blasts and my head swam in the smoke.

Bucky pushed on, getting us to the back door of the house and stumbling out. The fresh air soothed my burning lungs as he ran us all the way to the waiting quinjet. Wanda was there to greet us at the mouth of the ramp, fussing over me as James deposited me into a seat and buckled into the one next to mine.

“How’re you doing peach?” Natasha called from the pilot’s seat.

“Never been better,” I replied icily.

Steve sprinted up the ramp, Peter thrown over his shoulder, Tony and Pepper following close behind. Pepper was supporting her fiancé as he limped as quickly as he could towards us, prompting Natasha to send Clint to help them on board. As soon as they were on, the ramp closed and Natasha pulled up hard from the ground. For a moment I almost panicked, thinking we had left behind Bruce, but before I could say anything I noticed him huddled in a corner with his eyes closed and earbuds in.

“How are your lungs?” Steve asked me after he’d buckled Peter into a seat next to Pepper.

“I’m not made of glass,” I replied, the raspiness of my voice doing a poor job of convincing him.

“Right, right,” Steve huffed. “What about everyone else? All in one piece?”

“All good up here,” Natasha replied. “Accept Clint’s down a hearing aid. Tony, I take it you can get us a replacement once we’re back on solid ground?”

“It’s not just a hearing aid,” Tony said through gritted teeth as Pepper rotated his ankle. “It’s a highly complicated device that almost completely restores the hearing ability of a mostly deaf man.”

“I’ll take that as a yes then.” Natasha turned back to the controls of the quintet coolly.

“Tony and I are fine, he’s just got a sprain,” Pepper told Steve, gently patting Tony’s shin before she stood and resumed her seat between him and Peter.

“I’m no worse off than I was before,” the boy shrugged.

“And our green friend didn’t emerge,” Wanda added.

“Well hell, we’re getting this down to a science,” Tony shot.

“Not to hurt to put a damper on his shinning personality,” I said, turning to Steve. “Looks like we’re not going to have to amputate.”

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Steve asked me lowly.

“Well if people keep blowing up houses with me inside I’m going to start taking it personally.” I gave him a smile I was positive looked more sad and tired than reassuring. “But I’ll live. Just take it one day at a time, right?”

Steve’s all too knowing gaze had me shying away and turning to James, a move that ended up being a mistake since he was just as perceptive as Steve if not more so. I could see it in his eyes that he didn’t believe me, but he had the decency to ignore it, a mercy I knew I wouldn’t have received from Steve.

“Well, were we not all saying we wanted to leave the house?” Wanda’s voice broke the expanding silence.

“Well you know the saying,” Nat said, flipping a few switched. “Be careful what you wish for.”

The sun was just peaking out over the ocean as we made our way inland, waking up the land with its touch. It greeted us unfalteringly, but we weren’t ready to face it.


End file.
